Jason: Facing the Fire

The Sparkled Life ♦ May 27, 2013 ♦ Leave a comment

Recently in my life I reached my all time low. I haven’t been through anything like this since I found out my daughter wasn’t mines, I was homeless, and my brother had been stabbed. This was over five years ago. In the middle of the class I received word that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and would have to undergo surgery. A week later my mother was in a severe  car accident and my best friend’s father had passed. Two days later I was leaving school and on my way to be there for family and friends. While in N.Y my cousin died from cancer and other areas of my life began to crumble like an earthquake. I was in the fire. There were times I wouldn’t eat, nights I wouldn’t sleep, moments when friends and family weren’t available because they were busy living their lives, and mornings I would wake up crying. Social media feeds seemed to be filled with superficial, non-important information. I was in the fire and it burned. This was the test that I had been preparing my whole life for. You never know how much you know until you are tested. You never know how much of that knowledge you actually embody until you are tested. You never know how strong you are until opposition breaches your comfortability. All the messages and principals I share were now to be proved true or false. It felt like I was given a final exam but it was only the second day of class. What do you do when the phone stops ringing? The text messages stop coming in? The emails don’t reply? The headphones no longer work? The bills still come in? The internet is not at reach? The career responsibilities are still there? Friends leave your side? The family is to busy? And there’s no where to escape to? Will you be ready to look in the mirror? Can you stand the silence? The loneliness? Will the junk under your bed crawl back up and shock you? The inevitable truth is that one day we will all face this fire and in this fire I found God. I was angry but understanding. I was anxious but patient. His voice came to me through the mouths of friends, through thoughts in my mind, through random books and readings, through the sun, the moon, and the cosmos. The intelligence of God is supreme and all knowing indeed. In that moment I realized I wasn’t alone and never will be. There was this weight lifted off my body, this tension lifted off my mind, and this heaviness off my heart. I tasted freedom. I wasn’t alone. This was the end to a new beginning. This fire was the opportunity of a lifetime to purify and embrace transformation. Was it easy? No, and it still isn’t. I still have the stinging burned marks but I’m healing. These times come unexpected. They come when you are at the top of your game and you think you got life in the bag. Do these moments have to happen, I asked myself? I don’t know, but what I do know is that this too shall pass. This is my story, my life, my flaws, my mistakes, my lessons, and my responsibility to keep moving forward. One day all of this will serve someone, somewhere for a greater purpose. You are never alone. If you open yourself up to light it will enter you no matter how dark you think it is inside. I am no better or worse than anyone. I am not special nor non-important. I am light fighting for its territory.

-JA

Jason Avile’s website can be found at: http://www.BUBGreat.com